My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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