Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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