I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
