I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
