remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
