Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
It's not a walk of shame if you run
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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