So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week