What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
