We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
