Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
