Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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