i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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