i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
