he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
