i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Sext me about skeletons
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