I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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