now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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