there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
