Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
