Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
