the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize