I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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