my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
