what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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