I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
