We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
