That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
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