Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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