I looked at my own cervix.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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