She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
