Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
