i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
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Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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