His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Every concussion has its silver lining
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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