I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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