i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
