I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
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I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
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how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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