Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
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