if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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