the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
