Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize
