Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
