Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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