Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
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Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
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He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
where are my pants?
in the oven.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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