apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I still have a little drunk in my system
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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