Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
