please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize