who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
