LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Randomize
