"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
