I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"