my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
