Texts From Last Night

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  (440): View more from Ohio

  Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."

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  (440): Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect." http://tfl.nu/c4jw
  Replies (130) Good night (2106) Bad night (540)
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  (225): View more from Louisiana

  at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me

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  (225): at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me http://tfl.nu/xox1
  Replies (23) Good night (761) Bad night (5974)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...

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  (724): i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it... http://tfl.nu/6i0l
  Replies (12) Good night (1189) Bad night (3768)
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  (713): View more from Texas

  PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering

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  (713): PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering http://tfl.nu/lhmy
  Replies (39) Good night (710) Bad night (3424)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.

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  (208): My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done. http://tfl.nu/2aew
  Replies (23) Good night (4162) Bad night (1919)
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  (229): View more from Georgia

  Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?

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  (229): Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing? http://tfl.nu/q7mi
  Replies (6) Good night (2034) Bad night (997)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.

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  (610): Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey. http://tfl.nu/1z5r
  Replies (5) Good night (1644) Bad night (549)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.

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  (512): Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick. http://tfl.nu/ysyl
  Replies (12) Good night (572) Bad night (3315)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.

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  (678): We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around. http://tfl.nu/u4a3
  Replies (8) Good night (991) Bad night (484)
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  (213): View more from California

  Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.

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  (213): Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave. http://tfl.nu/dd7g
  Replies (6) Good night (1239) Bad night (704)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.

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  (402): I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men. http://tfl.nu/t0j9
  Replies (14) Good night (2688) Bad night (604)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.

  (1-215): View more from Pennsylvania

  It's not even 9:30 yet..

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  (215): Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk. (1-215): It's not even 9:30 yet.. http://tfl.nu/cpxo
  Replies (6) Good night (808) Bad night (359)
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  (423): View more from Tennessee

  What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick

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  (423): What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick http://tfl.nu/pr7p
  Replies (6) Good night (280) Bad night (381)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.

  (815): View more from Illinois

  Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.

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  (815): So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit. (815): Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message. http://tfl.nu/tst8
  Replies (0) Good night (613) Bad night (248)
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  (518): View more from New York

  Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird

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  (518): Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird http://tfl.nu/877o
  Replies (3) Good night (185) Bad night (95)

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