Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Randomize
