Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Randomize
