Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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