Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
