Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
