Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
