im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
