you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
