Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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