chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
