Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
