Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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