evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize