Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
