Me too!
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Randomize
