neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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